Orwell and an apology

15 Nov

I want to apologize for my part in the results of the election:

I’ve been watching Trump very closely since the Primary. I knew in my heart he was going to win. I tried to vocalize it to people in my life at times but gave into the idea that I was being too negative. I knew he was backed by Breitbart in finance, audience and strategy. I knew Bannon would end up in a Trump White House. I thought everyone was aware of this, but now I’m not so sure. I knew the power of his disinformation campaign … I’ve been reading nothing but Orwell for 2 years. I knew the power and size of his online mob of followers and the way they viscously attacked threatened and tried to silence anyone who disagreed with him. I knew the way Trump was intimidating comedians and media who talked out against him through lawsuits and activation of his mob and that it was working.  I knew historically, when the lives of white people don’t turn out the way they expect/had been promised/felt entitled to, it leads to scapegoating and the rest of the country will be made to suffer and I have friends who have already been attacked.

“The nationalist not only does not disapprove of atrocities committed by his own side, but he has a remarkable capacity for not even hearing about them.” – Orwell

Before this election I called myself a writer, a poet sometimes. But no, it doesn’t feel as though I have the right. I was working on a not- so-great piece privately about a dictator that I never shared with anyone, hoping the reality of Trump’s election was only inside my sometimes unruly imagination.  When I did try to speak up, language failed me. I failed it. As though all the language had already been used up and all the words had been said so many times in so many instances that the words didn’t mean anything. When I tried to open my mouth it was as if someone was deleting my words as I tried to say them or write them.  or as Orwell describes it:  “like a cuttlefish squirting out ink.”

“Don’t you see the whole aim of Newspeak is to narrow the range of thought? In the end we shall make thought-crime literally impossible because there will be no words in which to express it. Every concept that can ever be needed will expressed by exactly one word, with its meaning forgotten.” Orwell, 1984

I apologize for not being more vocal. I wasn’t loud on facebook. because i’m not loud and I didn’t think anyone would listen. I didn’t know how to speak to or write to my 3rd party and non-voting friends (let alone someone who would vote for Trump)  in a way that is measured and convincing. I wanted to respect people’s rights to experience the vote in their own way, but I think that’s wrong now.

 

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